Imperfectionism: How to Take Perfectionistic Pressure Off

This post is the third of five in a series that I am calling Imperfectionism. It's about holding ourselves to a standard of God's grace, not perfection. Read 'em and leap!

     This is the joyful part of the road. It's the road where we stop reflecting and begin practically living. The question on the table is this:

     How do I take the pressure off of myself in daily life?

     If you're a recovering perfectionist or are, like me, choosing to be an imperfectionist, there are a few techniques we need to learn to win the battle for our minds. Expectations, pressures, and your own impossible standards need to exit the building...but how? Enter past, present, and future selves.

     Here's the deal: I sometimes talk to myself about Past Madeline, Present Madeline, and Future Madeline. Many of my friends can attest to this. I sound like a lunatic, but I have a purpose in this naming.

     For naming things, as we know, holds great power.

Past Me

     "Wow, thank you, past self!" I say as I pull a full water bottle out of the fridge right before I leave for work. I set it next to my packed lunch and am reminded that I didn't always talk to my past self so kindly.

     When perfectionism threatens to shame me, I remember that Past Madeline did not have all of the resources and knowledge that Present Madeline has. Past Madeline should not be beaten up for her choices because they have already been covered by the cross.

     Imperfectionism means accepting the past and moving forward in freedom from it.

Present Me

     I am frequently reminded through prayer that Present Madeline is the only one I can directly operate from. I have control of my choices—thoughts, words, and actions—right here, right now. Present Madeline is responsible for her choices and should rely on the only One with the power to act wisely and lovingly.

     This technique for winning battles within your present self often looks like acceptance and not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow. Instead, you get to choose to live fully present in this current moment.

     Imperfectionism means breathing and taking it easy on yourself when perfectionistic thoughts arise.

Future Me

     "Eh, it's okay. Future Madeline's got it taken care of," I laugh as I shirk my responsibilities to watch a movie with my family.

     When I think of Future Madeline (the one I always said would do my homework for me), I have big plans for her. The struggle here is to not expect too much from someone who is still in the making. As I am becoming a future version of myself, I do not need to set my sights too low (where perfection is too easily attainable) or too high (where I will be devastated by "failure").

     The key to our future selves is to set realistic goals with both our present selves and our potential skill set in mind. Your expectations for your future could do you great damage if you cling too tightly to them.

     Imperfectionism means placing expectations and goals into the hands of the God who already sees and knows your future. He has never let me down.

     As someone told me in college, "Madeline at 13 couldn't do what Madeline at 18 can do, so don't expect Madeline at 18 to be able to do what Madeline at 23 can do."

     Can you feel the lightness of these truths? Leap for joy! The weight of perfectionism need no longer have a hold on you, you imperfectionist!

     You do not have to beat your past self up. You do not have to give in to worry today. You do not have to fear the future.

     These hopeful lyrics from "Moving Forward" by Colony House come to mind:

My eyes are open,

My heart is beating,

My lungs are full,

And my body's breathing.

I'm moving forward.

I found my freedom.

     Rejoice in this truth today! Then tomorrow we'll talk about making decisions between two good options.

~Madeline