Let's Be Women of Gentleness

      This year I finally read Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship by Kayleen Schaefer, and it has made me appreciate my strong female friendships all the more. It's a sociological look at what makes friendships with other women so special. I personally have been uniquely blessed with a strong set of friends around me, but it wasn't always that way.

     Coming from a place in high school where I spent an entire year with no female friends my age, I understand the pain of rejection and lack of companionship on life's journey. There was a very long season where the only strong women friendships in my life were my mom and my mentors. I have a tender spot in my heart for girls and young women going through friendless seasons because I remember my own all too well *cue Taylor Swift*. I can say "season" because I know that whatever you're walking through right now in your relationships won't last forever.

     The hard seasons won't last. Even some of the good seasons won't last. As life changes, so do your relationships. People move. Life stages change.

     But here is what you can control: your part in the friendship. Your investment in the new people who enter your life. You choose if you ask them out for coffee. You determine how often y'all talk on the phone. Your side of the friendship, that relational capital investment, can create space and comfort for others to be themselves around you.

     Listen to them. Learn about them. Give to them. Let them give to you. Share the difficult stuff, the really deep emotional stuff.

     Establishing that initial trust takes time, and it's vulnerable to open up to another, even over many years. Women know how to put each other down in the cruelest ways, but they also know how to lift each other up in gentle ways. Let's be women who are gentle with each other.

     When my mom comments now on how much she loves the friendships I have gathered over the high school, college, camp, and post-college years, I can honestly say it didn't happen accidentally. I have poured a lot of time and energy into those relationships. When I make a connection with another woman and see a potential friendship, I slowly put more and more of myself into growing that relationship.

     Now I can look back and see how far these friendships have come. I can recognize each face as a gift from God for this season or for this lifetime.

     Cheers to you, friend!

~Madeline