10 Must-Read Tips for Your Next Date

 

     With love in the air and a few of my dear friends back on the dating scene, I have decided to write this unconventional (for this blog) post, alternatively titled “How to Be a Strong, Independent Woman on a Date,” “What I Wish I’d Known Before My First Date,” or, even more accurately, “How to Survive a Date (Based on Real-Life Experiences).”

     This is for those who have never been on a date, who haven’t been on a date in a while, or who just want to be prepared for whatever their next date brings. Even if you’re married, this one’s for you!

~

     This year, one of my goals is to go on one “date” per month with one of my family members. These are casual, delightful, and usually involve everyone’s favorite part of dating: the food!

     In January, my dad and I got to go to a local barbecue place for our date night. It reminded me of some of the dating lessons I have learned over the years. Maybe the following will come in handy for you too...

Before the Date

1. Less fussy hair, makeup, and dress is better.

     Most of the time, you’re not going to a five-star restaurant or the opera for your date, so forgo the floor-length gown. It’s best to get a general idea of what the date will consist of: day or night, coffee or dinner, outdoors or indoors, active or sedentary, etc. This will inform your dress (outfit), which will probably not be a dress (piece of clothing with a skirt).

     Wear simple, modest clothes, taking the weather into account (windy days and short skirts don't mix!). Leave your hair down or pulled back slightly. Don’t go overboard on makeup or try a new look the day of; instead, stick with a favorite tried-and-true look and skip the bold red lip or intimidating black eyeliner.

2. Bring your wallet, keys, and phone.

     In a simple purse or small clutch, make sure you have included enough money for both your meal/activity and your date's. You never know when your date is going to forget their wallet; this has happened to me on two different occasions in the past year. When prepared, you can quickly and politely cover for your flustered date with your own money, even if you were expecting the guy to pay or planning on going Dutch. Never use this embarassing circumstance as an opportunity to make fun of your date!

3. Listen to calming music and think of questions for your date.

     If you get anxious about meeting someone new or going out with someone you really like, listen to classical or soundtrack music to calm yourself. During this time, or while you’re getting yourself and your purse ready right before the date (see points 1 and 2), think up some questions you want to ask your date.

     In this step, you’re mentally preparing yourself to be an engaging conversationalist when you’d otherwise be a nervous bean (speaking from personal experience here). If it helps, type the questions up on your phone, but do not reference your notes on the actual date; the important questions will come back to your remembrance easily.

4. Be ready on time! (But not too early, or you’ll psych yourself out.)

     If you start getting ready for the date thirty minutes in advance, you'll probably have enough time to touch up your makeup, hair, and outfit, mentally preparing yourself along the way. More time may be needed if you haven't gotten ready for the day at all yet; your "I woke up like this" work-from-home look isn't a go-to date night look. Be ready if your date is coming to pick you up, or be on time if you're meeting at the location.

During the Date

5. Leave your phone facedown on the table, in your purse, or even in the car.

     Depending on your comfort level with the person you’re meeting up with (i.e. is this a blind date or your spouse?), consider putting your ever-distracting phone as far away as you comfortably can. This allows you to focus on your date; hopefully, they’ll get the signal and put their phone away too. (Once again, please be safe and keep your phone within reach if you’re out with a stranger or someone you do not know well.)

6. Order food that isn't too messy.

     If you're getting coffee, you're probably safe (yet be aware of a mocha mustache!). Spaghetti and lobster are classic messy foods to avoid on a first date. Tacos can be managed by a native Texan, but grab a fork for those taco pieces that escape the tortilla! Along with this, don't order the most expensive item on the menu, even if you're paying. It's just not necessary when the conversation should be your main focus.

7. Treat your waiter/waitress, barista, and other waitstaff well.

     Watch to see if your date does this too. What an indication of someone's character when they have nothing to gain from kindness! This is more of a general "be a nice human" tip than a date tip, so apply it to your everyday life. Now that's integrity your date will be attracted to.

8. Be flexible.

     You never know what crazy adventures you may get to go on during a date. Be prepared to do spontaneous things as this is often (not always) how dates end up going. Be safe and stay around other people if you don't know your date well. Look at this time as an opportunity to get to know your date in a variety of casual settings: a grocery store, a park, a library, a gym, etc.

     Long drives and walks are where the best conversations often happen. Go with the flow to see where this takes you! Real relationships aren't always sitting down having a formal conversation over dinner.

After the Date

9. DO call or text your date to thank them for a good time (and/or for paying for your food/activity).

     Honesty and gratitude are classy. It's not a game of who texts who about what (see this post). Be honest and genuinely compliment the other person on their good traits that you noticed on the date. If you received anything from them (material or immaterial) in the time you were together getting coffee or making fun of art in a museum, tell them "thank you." This may spark another conversation, and it opens the door for them to reciprocate that they had a good time as well.

10. DON'T obsess over when the next date is going to be.

     That's just clingy. If they say they would like to see you again, they will make it happen. To misquote a colloquialism, "spontaneity is the spice of life." Be patient and trust the good qualities you saw in him while you were together. If you do not want to see your date again, you can politely decline when they mention another date. More likely than not though, if there's chemistry, you'll both know.

~

     You may think that you won't need this information any time soon (shoutout to all my amazing single friends because you slay!); however, in the infamous words of Michael Bublé:

I might have to wait, I'll never give up

I guess it's half timing and the other half's luck

Wherever you are, whenever it's right

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

—Michael Bublé, "Haven't Met You Yet"

     You never know the timing of these things, but the Lord does. Trust Him with all of it. No matter your relationship status this Valentine's Day, you are loved, valued, beautiful, and seen.

~Madeline