What the Past 365 Days Have Taught Us About Friendship

 

     Since March 2020, I’d like to say that I’ve become better at asking, “How are you, really?” I’d like to say that I’ve learned so much through my friends and that they’ve learned so much through me. I’d like to say that virtual, long-distance friendship wasn’t too big of a problem. But the truth is that all of these things are still hard.

     A year ago, our world turned topsy-turvy. I’m so grateful for the friendships I ended, began, and continued. As I transitioned into a new season of life, this was a natural change. So what have you learned about friendship in the past 365 days since that never-ending spring break?

     Here’s what a few of you had to say...

“I’ve always heard that relationships of any kind require work...but growing up with siblings and friends down the street made it easy! Now, post-college and married, I see the reality in the original statement. To build true godly community, you have to be intentional, humble, and in tune to the Spirit’s leading.”

—Makenna K.

“‘We all make fools of ourselves from time to time. Your true friends don't think you've done a permanent job of it.’ Every relationship is made of two sinful people. Being able to say you're sorry, to humbly admit when you've messed up, is the mark of a mature person. Being able to forgive, resolve conflict, and know when to cover an offense are the marks of a mature friendship. See Proverbs 27:6 and Proverbs 19:11.”

—Kelly A.

“In an especially rich friendship this past year, I thought the safety I felt came from his willingness to accept me. When the friendship matured into oblivion, I learned that I had been wrong. In reality, the safety I felt came from experiencing my own willingness to be seen. Yet it was the strength of his acceptance/friendship that taught me the most about being authentic.”

—Anonymous

“I made one of my best friends, Bailey, during the COVID-19 pandemic. We were introduced by a mutual friend because Bailey and I had both had our wedding plans completely changed due to the pandemic. We were both supposed to be married in May 2020, at beautiful venues surrounded by hundreds of family members and friends. However, we each ended up having outdoor ceremonies with no more than twenty people. Bailey and I also both moved to Dallas with our new husbands: we’re only a fifteen-minute drive from each other! I can talk about anything with her, and it feels like we’ve known each other for years, even though it’s only been about eight months. I think back on our relationship and realize that we wouldn’t have been friends if our weddings went forward as planned! I’ve also realized that you don’t need to know someone for years and years to consider them one of your best friends. Beautiful things come out of times of hardship.”

—Katherine M.

“In the past year, I’ve learned that friendships are rarely stagnant. I strive to be a consistent friend and to have consistent friends, but the truth is that friendships are ever-changing and shifting. And that’s ok. The root of what matters is if the person challenges and encourages you in your walk with God, and in the process gets to know the honest and real you. Also, I’ve been learning that the best friends aren’t the ones who influence you the most, but the ones who bring you to the feet of Jesus. In Mark 2, there’s the story of how four friends carry their paralyzed friend and tear the roof apart just so he can be healed. I strive to have a community who will push me toward the feet of Jesus because they know that that is the most necessary way to grow, heal, and thrive.”

—Kathryn W.

“Friends not only let you be who you are, but they also encourage you to embrace your uniqueness. Through long-distance friendships and brand new ones this year, I’ve learned true friends are those who let me be me. No pressure to conform, but always offering encouragement to grow.” 

—Abigail C.

“Friendship is about revealing to them their beauty and value.”

—Shelley H.

“True friendship is having someone know the beautiful and ugly parts of you and still love and stick with you. It’s a sweet, life-changing gift.”

—Nicole L.

“True friendships can be hard to find, not because they don’t exist but because they don’t spontaneously appear. A good friendship takes intentionality on both sides. Friendships may seem to pop up at every point of convenience, but friendships built only on convenience will disappear when they aren’t easy. True friendship lasts through hardship because both parties truly care for each other and are willing to put in effort even when it’s not easy.”

—Anni B.

“Here’s a few things I’ve learned: The comfiest friendships are free of unsaid expectations. You can’t have emotional intimacy in a relationship without honest communication, especially about that thing that is most difficult to talk about. Relationship with others is a need.”

—Kelly B.

“Winnie the Pooh is one of my favorite stories regarding friendship. There is an incredible quote that says: ‘It seems they had always been, and would always be, friends. Time could change much but not that.’ This year taught me that true friendships are able to withstand physical separation and unexpected life changes. The relationships that challenge me to grow and seek community are not measured by the time spent together or the number of pictures taken for social media. Rather, they are defined by a willingness to reach out and take interest in the well-being of the other, even when we cannot physically be together. These friendships are not the ones gaining me likes, comments, and followers. They are instead the ones that have shaped me into the person I am today. Time, distance, and even a pandemic couldn’t change these treasured friendships.”

—Maggie M.

“When the pandemic hit, I realized more clearly the importance of relationships. There was a time in my life when I would be fearful of reaching out to a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while, but in the early days of social distancing, I wanted all of my friends to know how much I cherished them. It was lovely to see how technology allowed me to rekindle friendships with people I hadn’t spoken to since high school.”

—Samantha T.

“Something big I’ve learned over the past year is that relationships go through different seasons. Friendships start and end, and sometimes family is hard to understand too. Learning to communicate well and understand where other people are coming from is something I’ve learned to be key in relationships in my life.”

—Emme W.

“In the past 365 days, I have learned that friends are not a competitor; someone to measure myself against to make sure I am keeping up with competent individuals. Instead, friendships are a deep, raw connection with other imperfect people as we serve a perfect God. They are as vital as oxygen and more important than food.”

—MaryKelli B.

“I’ve learned and comprehended a little more this past year that people accept and receive love differently because we are all such complex individuals with unique perspectives. These differences can be detrimental to a relationship if one or both people don’t feel loved or cared for because they are not communicating their desire for connection that suits the needs of the other person. Because of this, I believe that the best way to keep our relationships healthy is to communicate, even when it’s uncomfortable or even painful. Relationships also will never be perfect, so you have to reflect on who brings enough joy, encouragement, and peace to your life, then decide what you are and are not willing to compromise on in the relationship.”

—Anonymous

“I’ve learned in this past year that friendship is about being there in all the seasons. The good ones, the bad ones, and the in-between. I’ve always said that ‘People make time for the people they want to make time for.’ You show up for the people you love. 2020 brought so many unforeseen circumstances, but at the end of the day, you show up for the people you love.”

—Arleigh S.

“The best friendships and relationships are those when you are both chasing after Jesus and looking to him to be your Savior. When you are trying to be someone’s savior, that never ends well. But when you are looking to Jesus to fulfill you, you can love others unreservedly and be loved for being unapologetically yourself.”

—Bonnie G.

“Relationships of all kinds are gifts and lessons. In all the unpredictability that inevitably comes with relationships––the changing schedules, the disappointments, the hopes––one factor remains the same. Namely, the greatest relationship offered to humankind: the Giver of all relationship. And He’s not going anywhere.”

—Hannah L.

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     I hope these wise words from many of my own friends are an encouragement to you in whatever season of friendships and relationships you find yourself in. No matter the seasons and challenges, some things never change.

~Madeline